Motivation (I Ain't Dead Yet)

October 12, 2010 - Catch-Up

---SNOWFLAKE & G-TAG (HOMIES)

well, lookz like i got a lotta catchin up 2 do here homie. i aint wrote in about a month. and tha whole last month could be kinda considered a chapter of itz own. before i tell ya about all the crazy shit specifically like we did this on this nite & then we did that. i'm gonna tell ya in general how my life's been rolling along 4 tha past few weeks.

i got real tight with 2 homies. and for me 2 say thatz sayin a lot. itz been a long time since i clicced wit sumbody so tight that i trusted em almost as much as i trust myself. itz my homegurl Snowflake (remember this aint their real names or even their real street names). Me & Snowflake met in fuccin county jail. She'd been in there 6 months already when i got there. When i first saw her i waz on my way 2 tha hole. I could stand up there in my cell & watch erybody in GP tho & thought she looked pretty cool cuz she waz alwayz just having fun & shit. When i got out tha hole we'd sit at a table 2gether with our other homegurl R. we used 2 walk loops around tha pod all day too. like 8 miles a day just choppin it up walkin n dem endless meaningless circles. then turns out me & Snowflake got sentanced about tha same time & both got transported 2 da pen about a week apart from either other. so we stayed homies tha whole time n there, but i alwayz felt like tha 3rd wheel to her & R cuz i did so much time in the hole & them 2 waz roommates 2. so they had a lot more time 2gether. and then n tha pen Snowflake & R both ended up in the same barraks but i waznt. so we aint see each other as much. but we still stayed good friendz & shit & would chop it up whenever we'd end up n tha chow hall 2gether or sumthin.

i ended up gettin out 2 months ahead of Snowflake & we lost contact. i'd looked 4 her on facebook & shit but no lucc. and then bout tha beginning of September we finally made contact. Damn homie, we live n da same town & drive by each other's work like everyday. how could we be so close for almost 6 months & never run in2 each other.

so when we 1st hung out in tha freeworld it waz kinda a trip cuz we'd never seen each other in freeworld clothes & shit. i pulled up in CRIM with my rims & paint shinin. blue bandanna blue side-ways hat, baggy avirex jeans, nike t-shirt, and clean FILA kiccs. she waz like, "damn look at you all thugged out & shit." and damn she looked good 2---not dressed n dem fuccin prison whites. she waz wearin a green v-neck sweater and cute flaired blue jeans & her hair fixed. HOMIE WAZ UP? we clicced like instantly man. it wazn't like sum muthafuccrs u loct up with u get out & see em once or twice & thatz it. we started fuccin hangin out like eryday---except when she outta state on a road trip 4 a week with her boyfriend (then) named Katt. even while she waz outta state we texted eryday man.

but about the 2nd time we hung out, waz at a bar where a buncha people from my work waz kiccin it. these people cool 2 party with, but i aint close 2 nunna dem. u just hang out bullshit, chop it up, u know how it is. so anyway i waz already kiccin it at the bar with these people from work & hollared at Snowflake that she should come by when she got off work. So she rolled up with her fine-as-fucc mexican homeboy G-Tag. he wazn't even drinkin. he waz fresh out tha pen 2. only been out like a month. i aint n2 men homie, but i still can tell when they fine. lol. but it aint just bout lookz either. that waz really just kinda a pluss cuz dude seemed fuccin cool as hell. he waz just real chill & layed bacc & he waz makin sure that no fucc shit waz gonna happen if Snow got 2 fuct up.

then another night we went & partied at Snowflake's work---a bad ass bar & grill. we kicced it with a buncha her co-workers, a bunch of blacc dudes which waz cool as fucc. I can kicc it with anybody man: blacc, white, mexican, asian, whatever man. as long as i dont feel any hate vibes comin at me itz all good. actually i like chillin with blaccs & mexians better mostly. Snowflake white tho but thatz cool. that way wherever we go there gonna be at least 2 of us! lol anyway, so we kicced it and got fuct up right up til i had 2 split cuz of curfew. I hated 2 leave Snowflake & G-Tag cuz they had both rolled up there with me. But they already knew at tha time i waz gonnna have 2 take off before midnite.

Anyway, after that it waz like us three---me, Snowflake, & G-Tag fuccin chillin 2gether every chance we could. Problem is that I get off work at 4:00pm & Snowflake goes in about 5:00 so itz like we on opposite schedules. and G-Tag's job more hours than me but basically the same type deal. he's been workin on the construction site on the 28th street bridge.

---TOO MANY WEEKENDS (DRINKIN & TATTZ)

But then a chance to party opened up cuz i kept gettin dayz off---not by choice not at all. But at 1st i wazn't really trippin cuz i had about $600 saved up so i mean, i could misss a couple dayz & still pay tha bills. So i just toook that Friday off as a chance 2 party. Shit, party Thursday nite since i aint have 2 work Friday. So it seemed like we waz drinkin a lot & course when i drink i smoke ciggs 2. Snowflake's hooked on dem blacc & milds.

I actually ended up gettin a couple dayz work at the warehouse. So for a couple dayz my legit job kept me out the streets but then it waz bacc 2 vacation---a very UNPAID vacation. I'd been wantin 2 get some new tattz for a while and Snowflake's (now) ex-boyfriend Katt who she went 2 Cali with had said he'd do some ink 4 me. So Snowflake hit em up & he waz sposed 2 meet us at her crib at 6 but then he called tryin bacc out & say he changed his mind so we waz all feelin like, FUCC HIM. he's a tall super lean blacc guy with bout a thousand tatts & thinkz he's da shit. lookz like a less-annorexic lookin soulja-boy. haha.

Anyway so we went & pict up G-Tag & waz just gonna cruise around & run up 2 tha bar or sumthin. we waz already drinkin on a bottle of Smirnoff i'd got on my way over. i waznt gonna drink while i got tatted but since that shit wazn't happening i waz like fucc it i'm gonna just have fun then.

Long story short it turned out Katt changed his mind again & decided to fuccin come through & do my tattz after all, once i agreed 2 shell out $80 to get 2 tattz nstead of just one for $40. i wanted 2 anyway, i waz just gonna make sure he waz really good 1st. afterall i gotta live wit it. not 2 mention bein on my wrist whur ery muthafucca gona c it. so i got this bad ass thicc graffiti letters {Initials} on the bacc of my right wrist. and on the in-side of my wrist i got my fuccin TAG design man. i been wanna get dat shit 4ever.

(i just realized i'm not quite tellin on these stories n da right order cuz this happened BEFORE tha nite i waz kiccin it with G-Tag. Not that it matters, but just 3 tha record. thiz wat happens when u try 2 tell about a month of events at one time.)

So it waz me, Snowflake, G-Tag, Katt, & this mexican gurl Katt works with & is teaching how 2 tattoo. G-Tag waz tellin me, "You think u can keep from crying {G-Money}?" (fucc it i'll use my real street name from bacc n tha day 2 stay somewhat anonymous. what it matter tho when i'm describing my tattz? lol) I waz lol @ G-Tag too like, "Wat da fucc? u serrious homie?" he waz just fuccin around. They waz all askin if it hurt, "nah man, tha shit feelz good 2 me 4 real." And what else is 4 real homie i'm startin 2 look pretty tatted out. 9 tattz, 8 of em on my hands arms & wrists & most of em pretty damn big 2 for my size.

Anyway, the graffiti design waz complicated & lots of heavy solid blacc ink so that shit took way longer than we waz plannin. I didn't get home till 3:00am & curfew at midnite. I waz expectin my mom 2 be mad as fucc but she waz sensable for once & agreed it wouldn't be good 2 rush a tatt.

---NEGOTIATING PAROLE

So with no work in sight, the party just kinda rolled on. Once again with Snowflake & G-Tag drinkin it up on Sunday night, knowin I had 2 go see my PO the next day. Hittin dat Vodka man. Shit, my P.o. been real cool. Aint piss tested once since i got out but that day she waz sposed 2 be takin me off monthly visits to just every 3 months. She waz like, "you can pass a drug test right?"

"Oh yeah," i said casually.

"Ok," she said, "good. i'm gonna need u 2 come bacc here in tha bathroom then."

Fucc man, i know i aint sposed 2 drink on parole but i dunno if they test for it or not. or would she care? Would it be better 2 mention it 2 her up front?... All that shit waz goin through my mind. i wazn't trippin bout goin bacc but i still thought she waz gonna change her mind bout tha 3 month thang 4 sure. She stucc tha lil strips n tha cup of piss tho & i just stood there with arms crossed starin at it. Guess it waz all good cuz she aint say nothin.

Also before tha piss test I'd hit her up bout that curfew bullshit. Told her it waz causin drama with my stepdad 4 me 2 be at the house every nite & sumtimes it'd be better if i could stay over at friendz. she said she aint care long as I let her know & it wazn't outta state. Hell yeah!!! Tell mom DAT SHIT!!!! i felt almost high walkin out tha fuccin P.O. passed a piss test & dropped tha curfew. the less visits is cool 2, but i still gotta pay tha $25 every month.

YEAH!!!! and so now i felt like we should party 2 cellebrate... so i went & got Snowflake & we started hittin that vodka. Then we cruised over to see Kojac, one of tha guyz she workz wit. He waz jammin 2 some good rap on pandora so we just kicced it. Smoked ciggs & drank long island ice tea.

The weekend waz gone & no sign of work. Then i kinda started trippin bout my money but i kinda just wanted 2 party still. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday... and then Monday roll around & aint nobody tryna get fuct up & shit. And there i waz just wantin 2 DO SUMTHIN. Snowflake waz at work that night & i waz cruisin around with G-Tag gettin drunk & shit. We waz havin some fun just cruisin & drinkin. We'd cruise 4 a min in his car, then 4 a min in mine. He pulled up in front of EZ MART & waz like, "Grab some ice 4 tha drinks homie!" We waz in his car so i waz like fucc it. Pulled up my hoodie so the camera couldn't c my face jumped out da ride & grabbed dat bag of ice... cruisin but couldn't find no place 2 kicc it. Fuccn monday. but then later in tha night we waz just cruisin round da hood on the Eastside of town where all tha vatos are & fuccin SUR-13 & SSD & shit sprayed on erythang. I waz like wanna do sum crazy shit man. I didnt give a fucc, but we cruised around & shit & G-Tag actually said some shit that made since. Like he waz feelin wat i waz thinkin & i aint say nothin. Kinda weird. Shit about how i just feel the streets callin me like i'm missing sumthin, but i aint missin NOTHIN cuz their aint NOTHIN n dem streets. Nothin good. he sayin how he loyal 2 his gang but at tha same time fucc them cuz they aint never been there 4 him. ya know? erythang he waz sayin i could fuccin understand exactly what he waz sayin. And we waz both pretty tired so i finally went to my pad 2crash.

---TAG YOURE IT

G-Tag had actually said a lotta things that made since... like tryna get dat paper LEGALLY tho. And so when i got up tha next morning i waz like fucc this. 5 dayz strait party. I gotta find work b4 my cash runs out. So i called up the temp place & got a couple dayz work @ a diff call center til the one wher i work getz some damn work.

It waz another 2 dayz out tha streets & a lil money I guess. 13 hours total. Damn. But then Thursday waz Snowflake's day off & I aint have 2 work either. So she wanted 2 go C this vampire movie called "LET ME IN". she got me, Kojac, & G-Tag all 2 agree 2 go. me & Snowflake had a good buzz goin b4 the movie. we picced up tha homeboyz & rolled up @ tha theatre in CRIM (why is we ALWAYZ take MY ride everywhere.) i guess cuz itz a pimp ride & itz legal & these otha broke mofos cant afford no gas.

We had a good time @ the movie. I dunno how great a movie it waz, but it waz intertaining & kept your attention. A lotta times when i watch movies wit my homies tho we cracc jokes & smart-ass comments which make it hillarious even if itz sposed 2 be "scary". it waz not scary @ all & it wazn't really gory either. but it waz cool. nowhere near as good as "TAKERS" tho.

By the time the movie got over Kojac wanted 2 just go bacc 2 his pad & crash so we dropped him off. The other 3 of us rolled out to G-Tag's crib where he stayz wit his fam. They kinda at the end of a street where it just deadends under a bunch of trees so we pulled way bacc down there so we could just chill smoke, drink, & quietly bump our music & not be 2 noticable. It waz a nice night, little cold tho... we waz all wearin our hoodies & beanies & shit. Vodka, beer, ciggarettes, what waz missin out of our usuall party mix---HERB homie. Me & Snowflake aint smoke but G-Tag must smoke dat shit eryday. But he had 2 c his P.O. the next morning (friday). So instead of smokin tha green, he waz swallin niacin by tha handfull.

Not bein stoned he waz in a differnt type mood than i'd seen him. He waz like wanna do some crazy shit like I alwayz do. lol. i'd been talkin bout dat bitch B who owed me money a while bacc & i jact her & slashed her tires. Well, i still aint consider us 2 be even cuz i gave some of her worthless shit bacc PLUS she threatnd me wit tha copz! that shit aint 4givable. anyway, so i been wantin 2 tag her garage now that she aint leavn da car n da driveway no more. only reason i aint is i tagged wit dat bitch so many times... i fuccin showed her how 2 do it man when she waz like 15. she knowz my tags, my writing, my colorz. and she gonna instantly know it me---maybe even able 2 prove it. SO fucc that, cant trace slashed tires.

But now G-Tag waz hyped up ready 2 go do sum gangsta shit. he wanted 2 go over there 2 B's place fucc sum shit up but at 1st he waz tryna get me 2 pay him sumthin 4 it. I waz like, "wat da fucc ever man. u know cash runnin low 4 me right now. besides, fucc am i gonna PAY u 4 when i'll do that shit myself just for FUN!" i told him if u down 2 do it thaz cool but i aint payin u. if u do it either do it cuz u my homie or just 4 tha hell of it.

At 1st G-Tag waz like Snowflake shouldn't go we gonna corrupt her. Then we all laughed. We all can be some corrupt fuccin criminal ass muthafuccas. All fuccin felons on parole. So we piled in my car 2 roll cross town where that chic B stays. I already had blue spray paint so that shit aint a problem. We stopped a couple times as we cruised through the hood on east side of tha traccs so G-Tag could jump out & spray SUR-13 on the side of trailers & buildings.

We stopped in at EZ MART to get sumthin 2 drink and as we got bacc n tha car G-Tag suddenly spotted wat i waz already starin at. fuccin dude in a red rag by the gas pumps. wait, nah TWO red rags---one on his head & one out his right poccet. Man, G-Tag waz like follow dem muthafuccas! How sum fool gonna wear TWO red bandanas in my HOOD. So I stomped on the gas & chased em like he said, but then he suddenly wanted me 2 not make it obvious. shit, it waz 2 late. And how u gonna make it not obvious when they turn down a 25 mile hour road goin 50 & u don't slow down either. Anyway, he told me fuccin drop bacc... STUPID!!!! we lost em & he waz like, "u lost em {G-MONEY} what da fucc?"

"Shit man, i blew da shit off. I woulda had em if u aint said bacc off. Fucc it man." These fuccin slob-ass bitches had took off out some country ass side road & dissapeared. They waz prolly like Snowflake waz sayin just red necc white boyz. and i added they waz prolly tryna immitate lil wayne wit his red rag bullshit. (cuz me & G-Tag had already been talkin bout lil wayne & that damn red).

So out there on dat country road we tagged the highway & then G-Tag was tryna gett in homegurl's pants & shit. he had his dicc out & man, even i had 2 c it. it has a fuccin broken piece of a domino INSIDE it!!! crazy. he did dat shit in da pen. lol.

So after we stood by tha highway 4 a while we fuccin got bacc n my ride & cruised over to that bitch B who’s tires i slashed. I gave G-Tag da blue paint & he fuccin tagged that garage good homie! fuccin HUGE ASS “SUR-13” and “FUC U” and some other shit. And then I cruised over 2 where some guy lives that had done Snowflake bad. And G-Tag tagged up dude’s fuccin car. Hell yeah! It waz some bad azz shit.

TO BE CONTINUED...